Category: Dating and Relationships
I have always felt more comfortable with men as friends than women, probably will until the day I die. Every time where I live I have extended myself & made an effort in female friendships, it has gone very badly. I'm just not willing to give people the benefit of the doubt like I once was.
My two best friends at work are guys. I attend occasional dinners for those inclined towards conservatism, and most conservatives up here are male. I feel comfortable in these friendships & with these events. It's not as if we're bothering each other outside the workplace or tweeting, twittering, emailing, phoning, sneaking time together. I assume I don't make their wives uncomfortable by my presence as I am not a constant presence in their husbands' lives, and Mr. Squid knows there's nothing more there than friendship.
But a part of him feels uncomfortable with this aspect of me & doesn't understand it...different upbringing, different culture. How do you guys feel about opposite sex friendships?
I can't relate to your primarily being friends with one gender, but I have no problem with opposite sex friendships whatsoever. even when I'm in a relationship, that sort of thing isn't an issue. it's when someone has crossed that line, though, that I feel differently.
I've never really known of any way of convincing boyfriends, or any of my male friends' wives or girlfriends, that there was nothing more than friendship going on between the two of us, but I personally agree with you on the fact that more often than not, it is much easier to make friends with the opposit sex, than it is to make friends with females, in my case, mostly because most of my female friends have turned out to only be using me for whatever reason... I will admit, that there was one point in time, when one of my male friends ended upcheeting on his girlfriend with me, which only turned into an immature fight between the three of us. Other people ended up finding out about that, which might be why they don't trust me simply being friends with their husbands or boyfriends. Normally, I would say I don't blame them, but I honestly didn't know he had a girl friend at the time; he convinced me that he was single, but I ended up meating the girl he cheeted on with me later... Yeah, I know, that sounds rather immature, but that was quite some time ago...
Now, as long as I was positive that they were nothing more than friends, I would have no problem with my boyfriend having any female friends... After all, I know how annoying jealousy and possessiveness can get; therefore, I see no point in being "jealous" of any of my boyfriend's female friends. Kay, I should really shut up now, shouldn't I? lol
Like several here, I have always had an easier time making friends with men than with women. that's primarily because I'm fairly tomboyish myself, though not as much as I used to be, and most women are far too girly for my taste. I could give a crap about owning 20 pairs of shoes, make-up, breaking a nail, and so on. Guys don't care about that stuff. And, like Squid said, more men are conservatives than women, or so it seems. I get sick and tired of the notion that a guy and a girl can't be just friends. Whenever a pair of friends of the opposite sex are seen together, it seems everyone automatically assumes there's something more between them. Aarrgghh!
At any rate, I think it's all in how you handle it. As long as it's just friends, I don't see the problem. Same goes if my boyfriend wants to have female friends. I know quite a few guys who have more women friends than male ones, and that's just fine by me. It's when there's an attraction to a friend of the opposite sex while in a relationship. In two cases, I've had to completely break off contact with a guy to save the relationship I was in, but before that happened, it caused a ton of problems.
So, I guess my thought is, have friends of the opposite sex, just be careful where it goes, and be willing to put your relationship first.
I am married, and my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex. I think how we handle it and avoid some of the jealousy, justified or otherwise, is to have the friendships be between the three of us. Of course, in our circles, he will cross pass more with certain female friends than I will, but we will invite them for dinner, etc. It takes away some of the sense that there is hiding going on. It's a lot easier to be uneasy about your husband's female friend if you know her and spend time with her.
I am making no sense...
Kate, believe it or not, you actually are making perfect sense, as far as I can tell... And don't ask how I know your name...:d
When I was younger I had friends of the opposite sex, proaably they didn't outnumber male friends but they were there.
Most the people I know who get jealous of this are women. But, as others said, you just have to watch the attraction there is all.
Someone on this site, maybe Chelsea aka Fighter of Love and Life wrote that unreasonable jealousy comes often out of one's personal insecurity with themselves. To me that sounds accurate.
hmm... I have no problem but it seems before my other half relizes it some guys have snowed balled her into thinking there just friends and they want more. Thankfully she has gotten a whole!! lot better. I will admit I want to choke the hell out of those who have snowball my lady in the past. That is all I will say on this topic.
Oh, I wouldn't say it's usually the women who get jealous. Because I have a lot of male friends, I've had boyfriends get jealous multiple times. Usually over one guy in particular. I'm still close friends with the first man I dated. It's been platonic for nearly 8 years now, but some of the guys I've dated just aren't used to the idea that two exes can still be close friends. They get used to it after awhile, which is good, because that's one friendship I would not abandon.
It seems I've always had more female than male friends. The few males I did like being around were probably not the ones considered the coolest or most popular, which figures because I'm more the eccentric, nerdy, introverted type of guy. This means I'd be a fish out of water with the whole beer, sports and doing macho things crowd. I've only been in a few relationships but nobody, including my fiancee, seems jealous of this. Most of my friends these days are on-line anyhow, and she knows some of them. I have to consider, too, that most of the women I know are either in relationships or if they're single they're certainly not going after me. LOL!
i've got girl friends. then men friends.